Playing on close friends marriage - good idea?

[Nomsis]

one of my closest friends is getting married in November and I confront myself with the question if offering some music is a good idea or maybe a terrible one.

To provide some background information, my friend does not have any background in music but I know he enjoys good music in general although it is not a very important part of his life. There will be a church wedding ceremony.

I'm not a professional player but would describe myself as an experienced amateur. I know there are two other friends invited which make music, one plays (german) tenorhorn (similar to euphonium) and one plays piano. I do not know exactly how good they are but I'm pretty sure that I would be the best and most experienced musician of the three. I had an idea of performing something together and spoke to them some time ago and they were not averse to the idea but I'm in doubt if they would take it serious enough.
Here is a piece I found which would be a fit to the three instruments (I have a tenorhorn at hand as well), this would be totally playable for me under normal circumstances but I'm not sure how it would go together with the other two in front of the wedding guests. I have no experience in playing together with a piano.


Any tips on the situation and if you think playing something would be a good idea any repertoire suggestion (solo repertoire as well?) would be very much appreciated.

[Doug Elliott]

Sounds like a good idea to me if you're comfortable with that piece and the 3 of you can rehearse. Nice piece, and the piano and tenorhorn parts are pretty simple, should be easy to put together.

[CharlieB]

one of my closest friends is getting married in November and I confront myself with the question if offering some music is a good idea or maybe a terrible one.

Your music performance is beautiful. Offering this performance to your friend would be a very generous gesture.
But it needs to be offered to the bride and groom tactfully, in case this style of music doesn't fit their vision of a perfect wedding.

[Nomsis]

Your music performance is beautiful. Offering this performance to your friend would be a very generous gesture.
But it needs to be offered to the bride and groom tactfully, in case this style of music doesn't fit their vision of a perfect wedding.

This is not me playing haha. But I think I will ask first the other two musicians if they are willing to put the effort and if they say yes I will offer it to bride and groom.

Thanks for the feedback!

[andym]

One of our close friends wanted a wedding that was very much done by friends and family. I did the processional music on solo trombone with pieces I had composed many years earlier and she liked. I was touched to be asked and happy to help her have the wedding she wanted. At the reception, several people assumed that I was a professional. Hah. Not. Just a good amateur playing music within my capabilities. Hope you are able to do it.

[Jimkinkella]

A tune or two in the lobby can be kinda classy, trick to weddings is staying in the background….

[tbdana]

Lovely recording. Very nice.

As for playing at your friend's wedding...it's his wedding (or, more accurately, hers) and I'm sure they have plans. Go ahead and casually offer to play, but don't make a big pitch. People getting married often have to grapple with pressure for all sorts of things from friends and family.

[CalgaryTbone]

Lovely recording. Very nice.

As for playing at your friend's wedding...it's his wedding (or, more accurately, hers) and I'm sure they have plans. Go ahead and casually offer to play, but don't make a big pitch. People getting married often have to grapple with pressure for all sorts of things from friends and family.

Best advice yet! Weddings are stressful for the couple, and there are all kinds of things behind the scenes with relatives, etc.

A thoughtful offer to play is great, but don't take it personally if your offer doesn't get pursued - they may already be trying to politely turn down tone-deaf Aunt Bertha's singing offer, or locked in mortal combat over DJ vs. Wedding band.

JS

[MrHCinDE]

Don‘t underestimate the emotional aspect. I don‘t mind saying I‘ve shed a tear or two at a wedding and having played at other emotional events would say it can lead to something beautiful but can also be a train wreck.

Be sure you are either unaffected by the emotions of such events or have some way to deal with it.

[VJOFan]

If your friends know you are a musician, they probably know what you sound like and the kinds of things you play.if they want it, they’ll ask you. You could make sure they remember you play, but I think the couple will ask for what they want. It will be less awkward for everyone to just let it be and resolve to be fine with being asked or not.

[Doubler]

If playing was an option, your friend would ask you to do so (after the approval of the bride - after all, as has already been mentioned, it's her show; the groom is just another [albeit somewhat important] performer on the wedding stage.) If somehow you are summoned to play, the most important governing principle is Murphy's Law. Hired musicians are disconnected from the wedding party emotionally, whereas your actions, as a close friend, will be remembered longer and more intensely. If you're as close as you say you are, you could well be asked to be a groomsman, a far less demanding and more involved participant in the proceedings. Unless you're a full-time pro musician and are asked to provide the musical entertainment, my advice would be to enjoy the occasion without the added effort and stress of performing.

[WGWTR180]

Lovely recording. Very nice.

As for playing at your friend's wedding...it's his wedding (or, more accurately, hers) and I'm sure they have plans. Go ahead and casually offer to play, but don't make a big pitch. People getting married often have to grapple with pressure for all sorts of things from friends and family.

Actually it's their wedding unless I missed something at mine 35 years ago.

[CalgaryTbone]

I don't know - I remember learning to say "yes, dear" a lot in the months before mine. Didn't work long-term, however.

JS

[izMadman]

It’s great that you want to contribute music to your friend's wedding, but you should consider whether the couple would truly appreciate live music given their limited musical interest...

[Dennis]

Actually it's their wedding unless I missed something at mine 35 years ago.

Yeah, it's their wedding, but (as has been already stated) it's her show.

The voice of experience says that constantly overriding his opinions and desires is not a good sign.

[WGWTR180]

Actually it's their wedding unless I missed something at mine 35 years ago.

Yeah, it's their wedding, but (as has been already stated) it's her show.

The voice of experience says that constantly overriding his opinions and desires is not a good sign.

Not by the OP.

[Nomsis]

Thanks for all your feedback, it is actually a matter of course that both need to think that it's a good idea and it needs to fit what they have planned already (or still will plan), but this cannot be mentioned often enough! So I asked them if they would like it and made sure they knew that I would not be offended in any way if they would say no. But they both liked the idea! I don't think they were aware that this was a possibility and thus they probably wouldn't have asked by themself. For the emotions, that's a justified concern but I'm more of a "cold emotion" guy so I think (hope) this won't be a problem).

PS: I'm really not into the wedding game and this is the first wedding I'm closer to bride and groom. I don't think in this case it will be a big big show but rather a dignified one. And I really don't get why you tell me that it's her show (In my opinion this statement falls a little bit out of time). Also I don't get what all these groomsmans do, here in Germany there is usually just one of them (I had a quick look at wikipedia and I think it's what you would call "best man") and in this case that will be not me.