Jokes and one liners from the back row

whitbey · Post by **whitbey** » Sun Dec 22, 2019 8:12 am

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

cmcslide · Post by **cmcslide** » Sun Dec 22, 2019 8:41 am

I went to the Canary Islands once... didn't see a single canary anywhere. Same thing in the Virgin Islands, though, no canaries there either!

whitbey · Post by **whitbey** » Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:18 pm

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a Dog.

JeffDeault · Post by **JeffDeault** » Sun Jan 12, 2020 7:05 pm

What's the difference between a bassoon and a vacuum cleaner?

Vibrato.

afugate · Post by **afugate** » Mon Jan 13, 2020 5:55 am

JeffDeault wrote: ↑Sun Jan 12, 2020 7:05 pm What's the difference between a bassoon and a vacuum cleaner?

Vibrato.

Your vacuum cleaner can do vibrato? Cool!

--Andy in OKC

whitbey · Post by **whitbey** » Wed Feb 12, 2020 6:48 am

When life gives you lemons...
kill them
crush them
drink their souls

whitbey · Post by **whitbey** » Fri Feb 21, 2020 9:58 pm

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech

Doubler · Post by **Doubler** » Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:26 pm

whitbey · Post by **whitbey** » Thu Feb 27, 2020 9:11 pm

That’s harder than slamming a revolving door.

whitbey · Post by **whitbey** » Sat Feb 29, 2020 1:44 pm

Her only flair is in her nostrils.

.

AndrewMeronek · Post by **AndrewMeronek** » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:27 pm

Doubler wrote: ↑Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:26 pm

Dammit, this is hilarious!

"I don't play high and loud and I get chicks all the time. Chicks like trombone players. They think the way we move our slides is sexy. The only thing sexy about a trombone player is the trumpet player who sits behind him."

whitbey · Post by **whitbey** » Mon Mar 30, 2020 5:58 am

When our phones auto correct to "duck" it's still fowl language.

whitbey · Post by **whitbey** » Thu Apr 23, 2020 2:49 pm

Never teach a wolf to meditate because it will become an "aware" wolf.

whitbey · Post by **whitbey** » Thu Apr 23, 2020 2:50 pm

You had to stand in line to hate him.

dbwhitaker · Post by **dbwhitaker** » Fri Apr 24, 2020 4:07 pm

Social distancing via trombone. (I just stumbled across this. I don't know this guy.)

Mikebmiller · Post by **Mikebmiller** » Fri May 01, 2020 9:47 pm

AndrewMeronek wrote: ↑Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:27 pm
Doubler wrote: ↑Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:26 pm
Dammit, this is hilarious!

"I don't play high and loud and I get chicks all the time. Chicks like trombone players. They think the way we move our slides is sexy. The only thing sexy about a trombone player is the trumpet player who sits behind him."

Why are they having this argument in a parking deck?

whitbey · Post by **whitbey** » Mon May 18, 2020 3:05 pm

I'm so happy I could just fart glitter!!!

whitbey · Post by **whitbey** » Mon May 18, 2020 3:06 pm

"This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read."

samopn · Post by **samopn** » Tue May 19, 2020 9:10 am

Whenever I practice my trombone passers like it so much they throw bricks through the windows so they can hear me better.

not my joke, this was from a British comedian called Les Dawson who famously did a skit of (very skilfully) playing the piano just badly enough so it was painful.

S

Jimprindle · Post by **Jimprindle** » Tue May 19, 2020 7:22 pm

A trombone player and a tuba player passed by a bar....
Don't laugh! It could happen.

JohnL · Post by **JohnL** » Wed May 20, 2020 6:58 am

Jimprindle wrote: ↑Tue May 19, 2020 7:22 pm A trombone player and a tuba player passed by a bar....
Don't laugh! It could happen.

Yup, the bar could be closed.

whitbey · Post by **whitbey** » Thu May 21, 2020 12:52 pm

It does not matter whether you win or lose, it is how the band plays.

RoscoTrombone · Post by **RoscoTrombone** » Fri May 22, 2020 1:41 pm

On having a conversation with a friend of mine who is a class music teacher a few years ago about some kids' inability to play basic things in time his line was "he has as much rhythm as a Catholic rabbit".

Left me in stitches that did

It's also very easy line to throw at drummers

samopn · Post by **samopn** » Fri May 22, 2020 2:55 pm

I'm sure you've all heard this but just in case you haven't

.... and I'm told it's true.

So, during a particularly "robust" orchestral rehearsal a 3rd desk viola player turned to the 1st trombonist and complained about the volume.

Without any hesitation the trombonist said "well, if you'd practised more you'd be sitting in the 1st desk, not the 3rd, so don't blame me!"

I do hope it's true, and I wish I'd have thought of that when we did Henry Wood's Fantasia on British Sea Songs where the last 4 bars are fff with a crescendo, and I got a complaint...

whitbey · Post by **whitbey** » Sat May 23, 2020 7:05 am

When I was young I told my Grandma that when I grow up I wanted to play trombone. She told me I couldn’t do both.

samopn · Post by **samopn** » Sat May 23, 2020 7:08 am

... and when I was young my Mum said "Oh for goodness sake, why don't you grow up, stupid"... so I did.

... and I went to the barbers and said "My hair needs cutting badly" so he did...

Kingfan · Post by **Kingfan** » Sun Jun 28, 2020 7:36 pm

Riker.jpg

Kingfan · Post by **Kingfan** » Sun Aug 09, 2020 9:22 am

Gary · Post by **Gary** » Sun Aug 09, 2020 12:37 pm

My band and I were rolling down an inter-state when two rear tires blew. Dangerous. The driver told us to get off the bus immediately. As I was exiting there was a real trickster standing at the front, looking at us and singing. "You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel".

AndrewMeronek · Post by **AndrewMeronek** » Fri Aug 28, 2020 8:30 pm

I never get any respect, any at all. My cat is a lawyer. Whenever I leave her food dish empty, she summons my contract of indenture.

Kingfan · Post by **Kingfan** » Fri Jan 01, 2021 2:42 pm

My neighbor was pounding on on my front door at 3 am. How rude! Lucky for me I was still up practicing Wagner excerpts on my trombone...

ldmitruk · Post by **ldmitruk** » Mon Feb 08, 2021 3:31 pm

What's the difference between a sax solo and an Uzi?

An Uzi only repeats 30 times,

Jokes and one liners from the back row

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